First, a very warm welcome to new readers. We are now a community spanning 6 continents. So exciting 👯♀️👯♀️👯♀️. I am honored that you are here.
I have heard from brave, beautiful people who are stressed. Many have asked me how long their discomfort will last? How long will it take to feel better again?
You can feel better right now. Really.
You do not need to look far to find someone telling you to participate in self care these days. Is self care soft sweatpants? Sometimes. Is it eating a delicious meal? Sometimes. Is it exercising and sweating? Sometimes. Is it doing yoga and meditating? Sometimes. Is it sleeping? Sometimes. Is it crying? Sometimes. Is it dancing? Sometimes.
The heart of self care is attention to yourself. It is so simple that we can be quick to dismiss it.We can run around looking for more when what we need is right in front of us. And when we dismiss it – we miss the chance to feel better.
Wherever you live on this beautiful planet – it does not matter how much money you have or don’t have, how big or small a space you live in, how complicated or simple your day to day life is – you have all you need to begin.
All you need to do is notice what your Body wants and to be willing to act on it where it feels safe.
Here’s one simple way to orient your attention to your Body.
Notice your breath coming in through your nostrils with cooler air coming in and warmer air leaving your nostrils. Can you feel that? It is okay if you can’t. You don’t need to change how you breathe. Just notice.
Now simply notice that you are breathing and what moves as a result of your breath. You do not need to change anything. Breathe in a simple ordinary everyday way.
If you find yourself wanting to breathe the ‘right way’ or the way someone told you was the right way – you just notice that impulse to do that. Give yourself permission to be just as you are. Breathing, feeling and being just as you are. There is nothing to change. Nowhere to go.
Can you notice the air coming in your nostrils while you look around at the room you are in?
Can you notice your breath moving your body? What moves? Don’t make anything move. Simply notice what moves.
Does your abdomen move as you breathe? If so, is it below your belly button or above it? Or both? Does your chest move? If so, is it in your upper chest, shoulders, shoulder blades that you feel a sensation of the breath there? Do you feel anything in your neck?
There is nowhere to go and nothing to do. You do not need to make anything happen. If you don’t feel something, you just notice that. The only work is in attending to yourself and your sensations.
Now notice if you are making an effort in your tongue, your jaw, your shoulders, your neck, your abdomen. Do you need to make that effort right now? Play around with letting go of that effort for a moment. When you let go of that effort does your breath move someplace new? Do you feel anything new?
Return to the sensation of the air coming in your nostrils with a soft jaw and soft tongue.
How do you feel now? Did your breath change when you let go of the muscular effort?
I could go on and on here – but you get the idea I hope. Self care is really about attention to yourself.😇
You can do this in the way I just walked you through – or at any given moment in your day – check in with your sensations, check in with your body and ask your body “what does it want or need to do?
Maybe you need go the bathroom? Do you really need to ignore that and wait longer? Maybe you want to take a walk or to allow your eyes to take in the room around you? Maybe you want to jump up and down, shake, dance, laugh and smile. Try it. Listen and follow your impulses.
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Start where it is easy. Begin where you can be successful and go from there. For example, it is good to burp when you need to burp. If you don’t feel comfortable burping (some cultures take joy in this and some think it is gross to do publicly;-) – but if you live in one where it is not considered socially acceptable to burp out loud, then start with something easier. What would it be like to allow yourself to burp when you are alone?
Allow yourself to build success. If you are stressed out around certain things or people – don’t expect to start there. Start where you can – maybe while you are alone? or with a trusted person? or with a beloved pet? Where does it feel like you can begin to pay attention to yourself and act on what your body wants to do in that moment? Start there.
Building a relationship with yourself, knowing yourself and trusting yourself to know what you need is key to growth and evolving. It is the key to living the life you desire.
Many of us have spent a lifetime not paying attention to our needs – it can feel like a lot to unpack. Start small. You’ve got this.
Just now (truly) my kids came and said “Mommy come look it is snowing!” We bundled up in our jackets and my son began to jump up and down. We all joined in – jumping up and down with joy watching the snow fall by the light of the full moon. 🌕 🤩
Listening, allowing and expressing with the body – it really is that simple. And it really can feel that good.
Long ago, I arrived at a meditation retreat after traveling for a day to get there. The next day, during morning meditation the teacher could see how tired we were. She said ‘sleep if you need sleep.’ I laughed to myself. Really I thought? I took time off from work. I saved money to pay for this. I want to be a good student. But my eyelids were heavy.
She gave me permission to attend to what my body needed. That was a profound moment for me. I slept instead of attending every session. I learned that I could rest and still get what I needed from the retreat.
I offer that to you. Orient to your body. Forget all you think you should do. Notice what you want to do? There is no prescription. Keep checking in with how you feel in your body and respond when and where you can.
Sometimes what we want to do what is challenging. And sometimes what we need is rest or laughter or to burp 🤣. No matter what, you are the only person who can give yourself permission to listen and to act in accordance with what you hear. Give it a try. Let me know what you find out.
