| Each and everyone of us here has gotten the message that something we said, did, wanted to be or express was not okay.In response, especialy when we are young and still dependent, we often send those parts packing. “Head to the basement!”
Socialization is useful. We need agreements. But when the agreements that don’t allow equal access or in some way limit our growth – they need to be re-written. Re-negotiated.
How do we reclaim parts of ourselves we banished or put away to protect?
In one of the oldest myths, the story of Inana we we are given one of the key ingredients to healing. It is something we all have the capacity to do. No need to purchase anything, enroll in a class, get certified, or even hire a therapist.
The parts that get banished are – the ones that felt like they were too much, or misunderstood or simply not wanted. We did not make up those message about those parts and expressions of ourselves on our own. We read signals and had experiences with parents, care givers, siblings and peers.
Being social animals the message from others always boils down to – do this and not that if you want to be included in this group or have a relationship with me. Since we need others to survive, we make pacts, agreements.
I am the youngest of 4 kids. To be included, and to keep up since they are all 5+ years older than me I learned to keep my fears to myself. You can see the story by looking at my knees – I have scars from bike accidents or scrapes and falls from hustling to keep up.
The problem is, if we don’t know how to work with them, they haunt us. Sometimes quietly driving choices. Sometimes holding us back from growing in new ways. They affect how we feel and what we do because they are a part of us we feel we must keep out of sight.
Can I express my anger? Can I take up space regardless of my age, gender, skin color, education or income?
But what do we do with those parts deemed unsightly?
Can we gently reclaim them? Yes. WIth love. 💜
But first you need to slow down enough to listen deeply, to know what you have buried and to hear those parts out.
I particiapted in group therapy for about a decade. Time after time people and the therpaist woudl remark on my insights and ability to track and know what I was feeling and thinking. They acted like it was a super power of mine.
I knew what had given me that ability. Learning how to track and attend to my body through the work I now teach.
Being able to tracl sensation clearly and accurately has vastly improved my ability to tracl my thoughts and emotions.
They all intersect after all – but the body is the easiest most concrete way to find the threads.
When you learn how to tune into your body, you will know every aspect of yourself better.
Love, Asta |
