I woke up this morning hearing a Cher song in my head. Yes it’s true;-) I keep hearing this one line from the song “Believe” It goes “do you believe in life after love?” I don’t really know what the song is about – maybe a breakup? It has a contagious upbeat tempo. Every few seconds, Cher asks that question, and every ounce of me says “yes!”
Have you ever gone through a terrible break up or had a serious heart ache? I bet you have.
If you are like me, some part of you wants to resolve “never again.” Never again will I let this happen to me. Never again will I let myself get lost in love. Never again will I hurt like this.
I am an emotional person. I have not always known what to do with that quality. I used to find my heart overwhelming because it didn’t feel like anyone thought my strong emotions were a good thing.
Turns out – they are.
I have tried acting out my emotions = not not always a good idea. I tried not to have the feelings. Which is impossible…but you can try to numb out to what you feel.
I remember a break up in my 20’s that hurt. The night it happened, I wanted to be able to go out and just forget about the guy. I tried, but distraction only lasts so long and the feelings return.
Later, I swore off romantic attachment and love after my Dad took his own life. I did not have the capacity to connect to anyone new and trust them. I was vulnerable, processing pain, confusion and a sense of abandonment.
The only way forward is through. It is not even logical, but it is true.
You have got to feel what you feel to move ahead.
I recall my brother saying “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Emotions are the same. They get processed in the moment or they get banked and chemically stored in the body (which also means emotionally and mentally). When emotions are too big to eat all at once, we can process them slowly over time. It is a choice.
I believe our greatest superpower for improving our lives, communities and the planet is our ability to be conscious of ourselves. When we shine the light of consciousness on our feelings, it transforms us.
I think that there is something inside each and every one of us that cannot be touched by any traumatic experience or anyone. It is the part of us that somehow has hope in spite of everything that has happened. It is the place where resilience is made.
I have been lucky enough to witness this place and its wisdom again and again in my family and with my students. That is the part of us that seeks help. That is the part of us that wonders if things could be better.
It is very painful to witness the destructive, cruel and evil acts being carried out on our planet each day. We feel it. We know it is going against life. We know from experience that life wants to live.
So what about the people doing the evil stuff? How can they do it if they have this part inside themselves?
They can do horrible things because they do not feel themselves.
The third Reich was hopped up on drugs. They were was using methamphetamines to fuel their war. Its consumption results in massive releases of the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine (along with other neurotransmitters) that lead to a number of extremely powerful euphoric effects, increases in energy, feelings of invulnerability, and other psychoactive effects.
In our natural state, killing other people is something we do not want to do. We will do if it seems necessary for our own survival. We will do it if we can’t feel or if our feelings are altered by drugs or trauma.
Why do soldiers suffer from PTSD? When something we experience is too much, our nervous system stores the experience and the emotions (chemical) for later processing. Traumatic experiences can unraveled and processed over time, bite by bite.
No matter what you are feeling these days, our brains like to believe that it will be this way forever. We live in such an instant gratification world and can forget about the long regenerative processes we have on our side.
Your nervous system is capable of regeneration and healing for your entire life. The primary step is to develop our capacity to be self-aware and conscious. You will not be able to see what you won’t look at. Take a look.🤓
Consider trying this –
Find a person and ask them to listen for 5 minutes. They only need to listen and maybe to tell you what they heard. That’s it. No advice or anything else. Tell them what you are feeling – good, bad, in between. Use words or gestures that describe it. Notice how you feel afterward.
Your feelings are like sacred messages that hold answers. They are not things we need to act out, but that need to be heard, Shine your conscious attention on them and you will find a way forward.
Peace to you,
Astra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZXRV4MezEw
