| Is it possible to seek change and growth and accept ourselves as we are? |
| Over the past week, I took my own advice and set aside time to be curious about my stories. Only fair right?! (see previous Blog post) I decided to dive in and notice what I am embarrassed about, and ashamed of or have a hard time forgiving myself for. Yeah – sounds fun huh? LOL. 🤣 but really, I was feeling like it might be helpful, so I gave it a try. I discovered old & uncomfortable stories. I ached. My belly tightened; my breath shortened. I felt tender shining a light 🌟on these places, but I had no plan other than to see what was there. I wasn’t mining for stuff so I could change it. I wanted to know what was there. I have not always been able to do this. I knew how to go for a goal and will my way to an outcome. But just sit and witness something?! I had no idea how to do it or why it was even valuable. I thought the point of seeking change was to be better, right?! Therein lies the key = when we look at why we want to change, we start to get to the ❤️ of the matter. Most of us want to change because we don’t think we are ‘enough’ just as we are. The story goes something like ‘If I were prettier, smarter, more successful, athletic, I’d be more lovable, and happier.’ When we approach change from that place, the place of fixing ourselves, no matter what we improve, it is never enough. We look for the next thing and the next that would make us better. It is EXHAUSTING! Seeking change covers up the deeper belief – we are not okay. We are somehow broken. When we think this – no amount of fixing will ever do. What if you could keep evolving, growing, and changing, but it came from a place of self-love and self-respect not from a place of lack? Enter compassion & self-love 💜 Before I took an Awareness Through Movement class, I had many teachers from various methods suggest I develop compassion and self love, but no one really could show me how to do this. It wasn’t until I started doing Awareness Through Movement (ATM) lessons that I began to have a concrete actual experience of developing compassion. Our ability to witness ourselves without trying to fix ourselves is a crucial step in healing. During a typical ATM lesson, you are asked to attend to what is happening in the moment and to SIMPLY NOTICE it. You have no idea where the lesson is heading or how it will end. The lessons are structured to immerse you in the moment. There is no one telling you or demonstrating the perfect way to do something. In fact, is no one perfect way. You can learn to be more functional but not by imitation! You do not need to make yourself like anyone else. You only need to reference how you feel and what you notice. Say you are lying on your back with bent knees and one arm extended toward the ceiling. Extend the arm a little and to allow the shoulder blade to begin to decrease its contact with the floor. Notice if there was a way that you could still do this but make less effort. Perhaps you can reduce the effort in your jaw or your belly? Notice if there is unnecessary effort in your hand, your chest, your belly. Experiment and see what amount of effort is needed to do what you are trying to do. All the while you simply notice. The teacher reminds you again and again that there is no need to be evaluative. Your entire job is to attend, to notice. And thankfully, because you are moving and attending to kinesthetic sensation, this is easier to do than when you sit still in meditation for example. All of that noticing without evaluating, it builds our chops. (We even get good at noticing all the ways we judge and evaluate 😉 🤪 We develop our ability to witness through a concrete embodied process. Thankfully, the lessons have lots of brilliant functional exploration built in. We might go on to try variations on the movement. For example, could you try extending the arm toward the ceiling while holding your breath? While exhaling? While inhaling? And each movement would be done while we attended to the quality of the movement. The only goal being that we make it easier and more pleasing to ourselves. The result? Students get up from a lesson with new sensations and newfound abilities. The new abilities did not come from a place of lack or trying to fix, they came from a place of witnessing and love. As I witnessed the stories this week around what I am embarrassed about, something began to shift. The tenderness was compassion. I felt love for the part of me that t is embarrassed. It didn’t need to change, it just needed to be witnessed. And in that, deep change began. I wish this for you. All my best, Astra |
