| If I was lucky enough to meet you in person and ask you tell me about yourself, what stories would you share? What ones might you want to leave out? |
| Before humans could write, we told stories. We tell stories to entertain and preserve history, but most importantly, we do it to make meaning of our lives, collectively and individually. The stories we tell ourselves about who we are may recount our past, but the REAL power is in how they shape our future. I had the joy of volunteering for Field Day at my child’s elementary school last week. For those of you unfamiliar with this tradition – it is a day spent outdoors during the last week of school playing silly physical games that leave you sweaty and (hopefully) happy. I was at the “Over & Under” Station. My job was to hold a foam pool noddle with a rope through it, and slowly raise it from the ground up. When it got high enough, the children could choose to jump over it, or go under it. As each child approached, there was a flood of story written all over face and body. Some kids squeezed their muscles and then leapt – joyful and invigorated. Others were so jittery that they would burst like a loaded spring and do gymnastics over the rope. Then there were kids who dramatically threw themselves sideways rolling onto the grass. And a few children, who were fully capable of getting over the rope, had a different story they were telling themselves. They approached with trepidation. No one was being made to do it. Some kids sat it out to rest, but the ones who chose to participate were physically capable. So what was going on with the kids who chose to participate, but were far from certain they could manage the task at hand? Moshe Feldenkrais said that we move and act in the world in accordance with our self-image. The self-image is our perception of who we think and feel ourselves to be. The trouble we get into is when reality of who we are and what we are capable of is out of sync with our perception of ourselves. Those little kids who wanted to jump over a 4 inch high rope that were physically capable, but doubted it. They had a gap in perception of reality. They had a story that became self-fulfilling prophecy. Our brains alter stories nearly each time we tell them. Sometimes this is because as time passes our reflection on a story and the meaning we make from it has shifted. Sometimes, we leave out details to suit our audience or to make it more appealing. In the retelling of an experience, as the story is being made, we exaggerate or minimize certain parts of what happened. We make the story fit our audience – this can happen even when we are our only audience.We can use alteration to our advantage, to evolve or grow or we can use it to reinforce our self-image as it stands. We are always the ones to decide what something means. At Field Day, I saw I teacher I know well. Her class was running a ½ mile and some teachers were joining. I said something playfully to her about being wise to ‘sit it out.’ She said “I am way too old for that.” I said “Really?” She said “Astra, I am a Grandma.” “Okay.” I thought. I too decided not to run because I was already hot and I didn’t want to get hotter. Turns out, that teacher is one year younger than me. The difference is that instead of a Grandchild, I have a child in elementary school. I tell myself another story about my age – not better or worse, just a different one maybe out of choice and maybe necessity. We both chose not to run, but we had different reasons and stories as to justify our choices. If we are always making meaning, can we learn to use this to our advantage? Those children who were worried they would not make it over the rope, they may have had a previous experience of failing. Or they may have been told they are not ‘athletic” because they have a sibling who is more athletic or something like that. We do not need to know the origins. We just need to know the story. Some stories may be holding us back and many are re-traumatizing us. Maybe we are the victim or a martyr in our story? Maybe in our story we are too short, too old or too fat? But whatever we tell ourselves, becomes habit. Habit becomes self-image. It informs not only how we experience our lives, but it also influences the experiences we seek. If you want to change the future, get curious about the current story. I learn a lot from my students especially the ones who find hope to change in the face of tremendous challenge. I don’t know exactly what sets them apart, but they all have some whisper inside themselves that they hear. Sometimes the whisper is painful, but in response to it, they have hope that change is possible. Most do not believe 💯 that they can change, but they also are not 💯 convinced they cannot. You have all sorts of information coming to you all the time through your body, mind and emotions. Building your awareness of them is vital to your continued growth. Become aware of what you are telling yourself. Only then can you decide what you want to do with what you discover Do we want to cling to them? Reinforce them? Or you want to use them to grow? This is the gift of awareness. I encourage you to find a little quiet. Consider doing a 5- 10 minute scan of your body. Without evaluating, simply notice your body from head to toe. Include both your internal sensations and your contact with the environment. This can help with 2 things: ❤️building awareness of your habits of body, thought and emotion. ❤️building your ability to be non- evaluative about what you notice Questions to consider: What are the experiences I have where I feel hopeless? What stories have I created about me? Am I telling stories that keep me small or that re-traumatize me? What stories have other people or my culture created about me (gender, race, age, etc.)? Do I want to challenge these story in a way that makes space for a new reality? Notice what you feel in your body as you consider these questions. Again. no need to do anything. Just notice. Build your chops for observation. The rest will follow. All my best, Astra |
