Well, here we are.
Where you ask? Dunno exactly. But all of us are in this together.
We are in a transition like no other. Not a single one of us has ever experienced this before. There are no experienced guides to lead the way.
So what to do?
What is the best, sanest most fun, healthiest way forward in this transition?
What is the best way to proceed with a transition you didn’t go looking for or try to create for yourself, but a transition and change that happened to you instead?
You know the answer…
The last time you were stuck in a place waiting, but not sure how or when you would get out, what did you do?
Maybe when traveling – you were grounded by a thunder storm or waiting on a canceled flight. You couldn’t control the weather, but you could call the airline, or talk to the gate agent, or make contingency plans… you could take actions that made it feel like you were ‘doing’ something.
Or maybe you have experienced being stuck and in place because you were sick and bed ridden? Again, you couldn’t ‘control’ what had happened – but you could do something – you could sleep, rest, drink liquids, take medicine or herbs to support your recovery.
During those experiences – you took an action. You did something to improve the situation.
You know why you did something?
Because it is how you are wired – you are wired to survive.
We have Nervous Systems that sort for danger – trying, at all times, to keep us safe. When we sense a threat – before we can think or consciously process a thought, before we are EVEN consciously aware of the danger – our Nervous Systems respond. Our Body releases hormones.
Thoughts are too slow in many cases to keep us alive…but our Autonomic Nervous System – it is like “Shazam! I’ve got this!”
The action the Nervous System takes to keep us alive?
Fight, Flight or Freeze.
Now here we are in a situation where many of us are not quite sure what to do when we try to think about it. We are gathering info the best we can, but it changes daily. We lack the big picture.
But lacking the big picture didn’t stop us. Right? We got busy. We took action.
We shifted to working from home, we applied for unemployment, we sought alternative employment to keep cash coming in. We gathered our families. We switched our routines. We became home school co-teachers with on line school. We figured out how to get food to our aging parents or neighbors. We sewed masks. We made things. We baked bread. We created new systems to get our mail, groceries etc. Some left homes and apartments behind to go seek safety elsewhere. Some started to work more – way more.
But no matter the specific details of your life, when “this” all started – you took action. You did something.
And that was your Nervous System, a healthy nervous system looking to do something to stay safe, fed, employed etc.
Bessel Van Der Kolk, a trauma researcher who studies PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), compared PTSD in the communities who were directly affected by Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans vs. Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico.
First let me say – both populations suffered tremendously. That’s no joke and it is and was horrible and treacherous to say the very least.
Both communities have measurable PTSD. However, one group has lower incidents of PTSD than the other.
Why?
First let’s look at PTSD. The Nervous System senses danger it fires – FIGHT, FLIGHT FREEZE.
But what happens if we don’t act or we don’t respond to that natural impulse of the nervous system? What happens when we feel like we can’t (that person is my parent who I depend on), we are socialized not to react (nice people don’t yell and kick), or because the outcome if we responded would be worse than if we don’t (If I run from or yell at my Boss, I will get fired).
When we don’t run away from the threat because say….the threat is our Boss. Then we don’t get to discharge the impulse from our Body and act like our Nervous System wants us to.
We can end up with a Nervous System that in a sense – gets stuck in a repeat loop of Fight? /Flight/Freeze.
When that happens – we find ourselves tense, with aching muscles, a sore body, cracked teeth, unable to sleep, exhausted even when we sleep, jumpy, quick to react to sounds in our environment, angry, scared, sorting for danger. Or we can also instead get spacey, dissociated, numbed out with drugs alcohol or food in order to deal and damp down the feelings.
Just last week over a family lunch, my 9-year-old was asking me what PTSD was?
He had a bad mountain biking accident a year ago. He flipped, hit his head (with a helmet on) and blacked out for a few seconds. Then he stood up, and started walking toward me saying “we have to get out of here Mom!”
During our convo about PTSD he asked – “when I see the accident in slow motion in my mind is that PTSD? “
Me – “No. That’s healthy. That is your Body and Mind – your nervous system trying to work out what happened. It is trying to allow the nervous system’s reaction out of your system still – allowing a discharge of the energy so it does not get trapped. It is also trying to keep you safe so you don’t try that expert run again going that fast until you are ready.”
During our lunch convo with my son – my psychotherapist husband chimed in – “the difference between the flash backs you have and a person who has PTSD – is that you have other support systems. You are still able to process what happened without it being too much. You are still able to process the nervous systems response and function and thrive.”
Then came the best part….
My son – “that means that Willy Wonka has PTSD! Remember how he was really upset that his Dad the Dentist who wouldn’t let him eat sugar? Now he has flashbacks of it. I guess that’s why he eats sugar all the time. It is because of his Dad. He never really grew up.”
Goodness! Well… yes!
So back to the communities affected by Katrina & Maria. The difference?
Most people hit by Katrina got moved out and told to stay in a stadium and wait on aide. Tragically, many were never able to return home or to rebuild.
Whereas with Maria – more people were able to return when the storm passed, and they were able to roll up their sleeves and take action. They could haul trash and sweep glass…they got to act like their survival depended on it. It did.
All of that clean up post- Maria meant that there were far lower incidences of PTSD in the communities hit by Maria. The Nervous System got to express itself. It did not get stuck in a loop.
So, where does that leave us now? Sheltering in place, wearing masks to get groceries. How do we process our natural response and not trap it in our Bodies?
We take action and then, we rest.
Many of us are settling into a new way of working, of getting groceries etc. We are creating new routines.
We have made the biggest adjustment, but now that we are settled into a new pattern…we are starting to think “is this it? Is this my new normal?”
And we don’t know.
Please remember to practice REST. We got busy and we got REALLY tired. Now it is time to rest.
“For proper functioning, all nervous structure needs full activity
followed by full rest.”
-Moshe Feldenkrais
After the zebra gets away from the Lion, it rests.
I danced this morning. Then, I rested.
In order to be able to act again, to do what is needed when it is needed, you need to rest. Today and every day.
It can be very hard to find rest after going hard for a while – after doing what the Nervous System wanted.
It takes a lot more to turn off the Fight or Flight than just wishing to relax. So after you take action, you have to know what to do to calm yourself.
There are some very simple practices that get the attention of the Nervous System quickly and easily and RESTORE balance.
Here is another FREE AUDIO to help you rest and restore balance between your Fight or flight and your Rest and Digest. You need both. Both are healthy and normal responses. We just need a little more help with the rest and digest most days, especially now.
In this particular lesson the only thing that moves much is your Attention. You have to sign up below to get it…
More to come. And in the meantime…
I wish you all the best. You are doing this! You’ve got this!
Best to you always,
Astra
